Ways to annoy the Twilight Characters
by alice cullen plays soccer
Summary: If you aren't laughing so hard you can't breath... You don't have a sense of humor my friend.
1. Chapter 1

Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters

Edward:

Tell him Bella went to the loony bin.

Tell him they guard said loony bin with werewolves.

Dye all of his left socks lime green.

Dye all of his right socks pastel orange.

Ask him if he's hooked up with the 'blonde' yet. (**a.k.a. Rosalie)**

Explain in detail how you have.

Tell Jessica that Edward broke up with Bella for her.

Put him on Jeopardy.

If he refuses to go on Jeopardy, put him on the Biggest Loser.

Cry if he still refuses.

Ask him if he thinks Taylor Lautner is hot.

Ask him is he thinks Kristen Stewart if hot.

Tell him that Bella is now a lesbian and broke up with him for Kristen Stewart.

Carlisle:

Put his family on Family Feud against the Blacks'.

Ask him for a piggy-back ride.

Sniff him repeatedly.

Tell him that he smells good.

Tell him his wife was depressed and tried to commit suicide.

Ask him if it was their love life.

Suggest Viagra.

Make House jokes

Alice:

Tell her that ninja warrior werewolves took over the mall.

Tell Jacob to dye everything she owns orange, except one pair of undies.

Tell her you put her on the worst dressed list.

Tell everyone she thinks she is a vampire.

Plan to take over the mall.

Replace her closet with a hippies.

Put a bunch of weed in her room and call the cops.

Dye her hair gray.

Call her an old granny.

Tell Jasper that she wants to borrow his granny panties.

Jasper:

Have Emmet send **xxx**feelings to him.

Change your emotions every 30 seconds.

Lock him in a room full of pregnant women.

Get as close to him as possible and yell 'PAPERCUT!' every 5 minutes.

Tell him Jacob loves him/ imprinted on him.

Every 3 minutes ask him if he's gay.

Ask him what it's like to married to a girl (Alice) and be gay.

Tell him Elmo says hi.

Dress Emmett up as Elmo and make him get all touchy feely.

Give him granny panties with 'Jazzy Pants' monogrammed on to them.

Give Bella a condom with a note attached to it "From jasper' See you later!"


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot a disclaimer in chapter one sooo... i do not own twilight! it rlly sucks.**

* * *

**Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters**

Emmett:

Take away his Vampire Monster drinks.

Give him apple juice instead.

Give him a lecture on the Birds and the Bees.

Tell him a grizzly bear destroyed him car.

Give him high heels and tell him to 'Go practice, there is only a week until the ball!'

Throw a coconut at him.

When he asks why you threw a coconut at him, tell him you thought it was Elmo.

Tell him that he can't sing 'Barbie Girl' anymore.

2 days later, ask him why he isn't singing 'Barbie Girl' anymore.

Bella:

Take away her copy of Wuthering Heights.

Strap her to a chair and make her watch an Elmo/Mr. Rogers/ Barney marathon.

Burn her house down.

Tell Mike Newton that she is single.

Put a dead wolf filled with pear juice in her room.

Scream and ask her why she has a dead wolf filled with pear juice in her room.

Paint her nails an ugly green color.

Tell her her nails are very ugly.

Jacob:

Give him a kitty liter box with a newspaper inside of it.

If he asks why the newspaper tell him to give it back then.

Start to cry every other minute.

Tell him good puppy every time he does something.

Tell him to fetch.

When he says no cry.

Ask him to sing for you.

Tell him his singing sucks.

Get him as mad as possible and then ask him why he is mad at you.

Mike:

Call him a Golden Retriever.

Do it repeatedly.

Give him a rose 'from Edward'.

Tell him he is the only straight person on the planet.

Tell him that 4 Australian hookers are in love with him.

Set him up on a blind date with one of the Australian hookers.

Ruffle his hair.

Every 3 minutes ask him if he is wearing new socks.

Every 5 minutes tell him you are.

Stare at him and every time he blinks say 'HAHAHAHAHA!!!'

When he asks why tell him you were having a staring contest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters**

Rosalie:

Tell her really stupid Blonde jokes.

Ask her if she'd like to try some of your Viagra.

Ask her why she won't.

Tell her she needs to go on a diet.

Tell her all the werewolves imprinted on her.

Call her Rosy-posy.

Dye her arm hair lime green.

Tell her Emmett is cheating on her with Jacob.

Tell Elmo to poke her in the eye.

Tell her she is just like Dora.

Strap her to a chair and make her watch Dora.

Copy **EVERYTHING **(*wink*) that she does.

Renesmee:

Ask her what it's like to be the Loch Ness Monster.

Tell her her dad used to hate her.

Tell her what her parents do at night.

Make fun of her name.

Dye her hair pink.

Ask her if she lays eggs.

Laurent:

Tell him one of the wolves imprinted on him.

Give him a hot pink cape with 'I *heart* wolves' monogrammed on it.

Tell him he dies in the second book.

Tell Alice that he wants to go shopping with him.


End file.
